Who Am I?

Before you can truly enjoy what I have to say, we must go through the awkward pleasantries... "WHO AM I?" Thank you for asking (LOL). While that question seems as simple as a first name or even a nickname, it also holds a more deeper question and an even more complex answer. You see, like a shape-shifter, I have owned many identities. In fact, I have been on a journey to discover my true identity. To name a few, these are the identities I have walked in:

• The funny Girl

• The fat girl

• The black girl (in my white world)

• The white-acting girl (in my black/brown world)

• The victim of a cult

• The cult survivor

• The strong friend

• The girl that prays

• The careless, lazy, ditzy, sloppy, and stupid girl (from my Christian school teachers who were uneducated about all diversities in learning exceptionalities)

• The weird Girl

• The fun girl

• The broke girl

• Worldly Girl (not like the ones that travel---more like Jezebel-ish)

• Loud Girl (I am a shouter in church)

• The undatable & not ready for love Girl

• The girl who never says NO! to ministry opportunities

• The girl who helps others flourish

• The encouraging girl

• The evangelizing girl

• The girl that you can spill your guts to and her hair not catch on fire

• The hard worker

• The girl who interacted with the message

• Woman of God

• Child of God

• Daughter of God

• That girl who talks too much-Girl...

Those are just a few titles that have labeled whatever phase I was in on my journey. Most of those names come with tragic stories of hurt, abuse and utter devastation. Some of those where silent and subliminal cries for help. Sadly, many of those were given to me by people I loved and trusted with my whole heart- so I believed them. Everyone of those names have a few things in common:

1. They were only labels for the chapters of the season of life that I was in.

2. They were not my identity

3. They are all masks that I hid behind

Here is my story:

My name is Sharon. I am the daughter of Reverend Darcel and Gale McCoy. I was born at Gary-Methodist Hospital on Monday, April 21, 1980. According to my mom, my dad felt God wanted me to have the name, "Sharon". My name was going to be something like Gwendolyn, Rose, Esther, (two or all of those) McCoy, but my dad had a dream. In His dream God gave him the Bible verse, Song of Solomon 2:1 (KJV) "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys." Even as I am writing this, I am realizing that I have yet to even study the significance of this verse that God strategically downloaded on my dad in his sleep...(note to self...."Do a study on S of S 2:1-ASAP!") Maybe my parents could have named me Sharon Rose McCoy....idk. Since my Granny wanted one of her granddaughters to have the middle name "Latrice," and none of my other aunts wanted it, my mom gave it to her little almost 7 lb baby Sharon Latrice McCoy. My identity goes even farther than that. In fact, my identity is continuing to evolve.

I was born into a happy home. My dad was the pastor of a successful and historical church in Gary, Indiana named New Mt. Olive MBC. My mom, had a small hair salon in her basement. My dad was also DJ for a local gospel radio station. We lived in my favorite home on 4327 Vermont Ct. My neighbors either went to my church or a sister ministry, Mrs. Holmes, our neighbor made the best strawberry cobbler. Her grandson was my very best friend. My life was good...and then we had to go to school... My parents placed me in Christian school in Chesterton, Indiana so that I could have a good education. That was the first place I experienced hate due to my God-created brown skin....This is where it gets weird...

LONG-STORY-SHORT... (I will expound on each of these in future posts)

At the age of 9, my parents will join the church that will turn out to be a fundamentalist "Christian" abusive cult. Our home will become just as abusive and toxic. We will experience extreme poverty and homelessness. My mom will become the victim of domestic violence. My brother and I will experience physical abuse. My brother and I will be forced into child-labor as a form of discipline in school. I will be fat shamed, experience direct racism, rejection, and be ostracized for just being me. My brother will be physically abused and bullied by his pastors on a missions trip to Mexico. My mom will be hated, rejected, unprotected and experience severe mental and spiritual abuse because she will choose to never submit to the demonic leadership in this cult. She will suffer for Christ's sake as she speaks out against this evil place. My mom will be ignored by those who are supposed to protect and lover her. My mom will be hated by her own pastor. My dad will be gassed up and manipulated by his desire for a father-figure that will never be healed. I will witness a drunk driver hitting us and killing my dad on our way to church. Our family will be accused of being so rebellious God had to kill my dad. The church will write letters to all of my dad's supporting churches telling them how evil we are. I will be bullied by my pastoral leadership. I will eventually leave that cult at 36 (with no life skills outside of ministry). I will get multiple degrees while working multiple jobs. I will also witness my mom suddenly dropping dead at my feet. I will be devastated, I will go through many battles alone. I will get diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. The lights will dim. I will give up on God, nevertheless, God will send the Gospel to rescue me and set me on a path to true healing. I will wrestle with singleness at 40ish years old. I will make huge relationaI mistakes due to unbelief and fear that there isn't anyone for me. I will even question every area about me.

I will completely surrender to God...

In all of that, my true identity was evolving. Do I know who I am? If I could write my identity in a few sentences, it would be this:

"I am the strongest woman that I know. I am totally surrendered to where the Gospel takes me. I flexible, full of love, joy, and peace. I am a loud laugh-er, I have a big smile. I am full of light." I am a hugger! I am hospitable. I am still waiting to fall in love, because I love-love! I have so much in me. While I don't want to go back, I am thankful for this journey. I made me who I am today."

The reality of it is, I believe that our identity is constantly evolving. I have learned to be flexible, let go and embrace my identity as it evolves. I don't want to miss it looking back to the past, or forward to the future. This blog will help me embrace my true identity now.

I have no idea how this will end. I promise to be 100% authentic, vulnerable and real. I hope you join me on this journey of healing & revelation as I enter this new chapter of life.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT) "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

"Isaiah 43:1 (ESV) "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."