Like, I REALLY Just Wanna Go to Church…

Whew, I have been fighting writing about this for a long time. I mean…like…YEARZZZZ!!!! So, here we go…

I just wanna go to church. That’s it & that’s all!

I love attending diverse churches. I love the creative worship styles. I love everything from quiet hymns to current hip-hop infused, gospel worship music. I love it all. I love that as long as Christ is glorified, my soul will be fed. Jesus is the connection in all of it. During worship, I am captivated by the forgiveness & empowerment of God. I love it when vision is downloaded into my spirit during worship. I love it when the sermon reiterates EVERYTHING God has been speaking to me throughout the week. I love the moments that I get to worship God with my faith community who comes from all types of backgrounds. I love hearing everyone's perspective on theology and its application to life. I love filling my journal with words of prophecy that the Spirit of God downloads into my mind, heart and soul. I especially love it when those words have nothing to do with the message. It‘s just an abstract moment that God lets me know that He has me there to receive a gift from Him. It feels like a gentle kiss to my soul!

So, when I interact with the message it is real! It is authentic. It is based on all that God has healed, forgiven and empowered in me! God has brought me through a lot!! I mean---literally, THROUGH it--not around it or over it! I am constantly overwhelmed with what God has done in me. I can not look back over my life with a dry eye or prideful heart. It was only God. The best part about it is that the best is yet to come...

(insert Ephesians 3:14-20 here).

I used to wonder ”Why Me?” Why did God allow me to witness the sudden and tragic deaths of both my parents? Why did God allow me to suffer through emotional, spiritual and physical abuse? Why am I 43 years old and still unmarried-no kids, why have I had to endure heartbreak, tragedy, setbacks, abuse, rejection, lack, sickness and oppression. The answer is, "This is the cost of the annointing!" And this is the basis of my worship: His grace has been more than enough for me. My worship is based on this faith: I know that God is using every traumatizing moment to equip me for all that He has ordained me to do. God wrote my story from the vantage point of the end. He is literally placing every obstacle, triumph and relationship in my life so that I can walk strong to my day of completion (Philippians 1:6) What the enemy thought would destroy me, was all part of His plan. I can honestly say, Greater is He that is in ME than he that is in this world! This is the basis of my Sunday interaction with worship, prayer and sermon. It is part of my healing journey!

My worship is based on the goodness of a holy God. Now, when y'all hear ”holiness” you think extended lists of do’s & don’ts…but, it is not that at all. Holiness is LOVE! It is the love of God that says, "I can not lie- You are loved.…You have access to Me…You are seen…You are equipped…Ask for the biggest of things- I will do it…I will never stop pursuing you…"Ask me ”Why”…Tell me the stuff that you think will disappoint me"..."Let my love carry your hurts & heaviness!"…"Wait…Let me upgrade your desires"…"I hate what happend to you, but give it to me and I will work it out for your good"…I have so much more for you"…and "I got You!- just Trust in me, Daughter!"

This is what is running through my soul while I am interacting with Sunday Service, no matter who is behind the microphone. I hear God who strategically created every part of my being from the inside out! I see a God who is showing me how to love, appreciate and celebrate every part of me! I see Jesus who took on sin, became flesh, walked through temptation, betrayal, rejection, and abuse for me! He took himself to the Cross, gave up his own spirit to death, laid in a tomb for 3 days (burst the gates of hell wide open to snatch the keys of death from the enemy)--defeating sin, hell & death---for me!!! Likk, this was the plan...since before Creation! This is the level of love that He has for me. So, no matter what has happened to me in life, when I keep my eyes on Jesus, the standard of what I will accept as love will always be higher--because of Him...and not circumstances that I have overcome! My worship is based on the blood of the Lamb, and the Word of my testimony! This is why I just wanna go to Church!

So, this is where I hope you take this with the spirit of love that it is given: My expression of worship is not based on my skin color! When I attend churches and I am the only one interacting with the message, I’m disappointed because I know I am not the only one being loved, empowered and healed. When I attend churches and they want me to come back or want me to sit in the front, or mention hearing me interact with the message, assuming that I am doing so, because I am black, it is uncomfortable. People who look like me don’t worship outwardly because we are black, it is because everyday, we live in trauma, and everyday, God empowers, heals and pushes us to succeed by His grace. Our resilience, power, royalty, and favor is connected to the power of God—no matter what tragedy is brought against us! We don't need or desire pity. We really want the power of God flowing through our souls to be recognized!

We don’t want to come to church and also be burdened with being the only interaction during the worship encounter or sermon. We don’t want to be the only ones praying over everyone, because our faith is big, loud and bold. We don’t want to worship while solving your race reconciliation dilemma—We all serve the same omniscient God- who is ready to download revelation into all who asks of Him. Since we all have the same Holy Spirit- who is our teacher, you do not need a black Christian to vet through your black authors to make sure you are reading the right materials. Proverbs 3:6 ”In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE (not your black friend) WILL direct your paths!”

Also, we don’t want to bear the burden of being any of your stereotypes—We are not a monolith! God was creative when He made all of us, therefore, we are not all swag, hip-hop & Jordans! Our articulation is connected to education, not race. So, really get to know us—as individuals (not as just your black friend). All of our souls were activated by the very breadth of God! So, stop asking us about random black authors, musicians, social media creators, foods, various African cultures, etc…its super cringy! We are NOT your Google…We are also not your personal museum artifax. We are not your entertainment. Everything we say isn't hoots & hollers! Every shortened word we say isn't ebonics...sometimes it's just a shortened word😂 I just want to go to church! I don't want to be colorless, but I also don't want you to ONLY see my skin color. I just want to know that my spiritual gifts are seen, and pulled out of me! I crave the accountability, discipleship and empowerment connected to being in a spiritual family. This is Sacred. This is Light. This is Love!

At the end of the day, I just wanna go to church! I want to worship Jesus! I want to serve our Savior, and dance before God, who is our Father! I want to experience freedom, and have a life-changing encounter while the Spirit of God downloads healing, vision, and power into my mind, body and soul! I want to pour the overflow out to whomever God places in my path that will take it serious.

That’s it & That’s all!