Look to the hills? Nah!

Psalm 121:1 "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help...

The say that a person who is always waiting for a someone to save them (in life) comes from a household of trauma...that no one saved them from...

Welp! That is me.... I grew up in trauma. Everywhere I looked it was just tragedy after tragedy. My parents loved the Lord dearly, but both of them came from devastating experiences that left wounds that were never healed. Everyone loved their talent, but no one cared to minister to them; consequently, we suffered. There were limits to the capacity of their affection for each other and us as children. I don't judge them for this, I learn from it. This is the foundation for me being passionate about people (specifically of color) getting mental and emotional therapy. This is no my only source of trauma. I also experienced trauma in my church world. Church was our world, but I grew up in a predominantly white "christian" school (lowercase on purpose) and church! I loved Church, but there were limits to how much love I received in return from my classmates, church family, and community. I was the black girl in their white world! I experienced unimaginable spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental abuse because of the color of my skin. The thing I hated most about my world was the fact that I had given so much love to it, and was forsaken and abused in return.

Psalm 121:1 "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help...

This may have been the time in my life that I fell in love with love stories. I loved reading about the "damsel in distress" having her prince show up and save her. As I grew up, I constantly looked to the horizon believing that one day love would come (in any form) and save me! I just wanted to be rescued. So I looked constantly looked to the "hills" for my rescue! Boy, did I miss the point of that scripture.

Let's go back to my Bible crush- King David...

(Yes, I have a Bible crush- I have a thing for black men with red hair---who is tender enough to write poetry and music, but fierce enough to take down entire empires...).

A N Y W A Y S...(wink, wink)

He was a military man. He had fought many battles. In Psalm 121, He used a military experience to show us where his help came from. This man was not just a creative musician and writer, he was a war strategist. He was fearless. He had some pretty powerful men backing him (read 1Sam 22, 23: 8-38)...In the words of every black 70's action movie "These men were a bunch of BAAAAD Mama-Jammas!" However, there were times they were in the thick of a battle, and in the midst of fighting, David would look to the hills for reinforcements. In the hills were his left-handed tribe of Benjamin who were swift with the sling shots. Also, his other men who did not miss with their bow and arrows would be up in the hills, ready to take out the leaders of their opponents. There were also their special forces laying in wait for any leaders of their opponents who were trying to escape or get their lineage to safety to ensure that if anything happened to them, their kingdom would go on....but not on David's watch. He had everything covered. He was determined to win the battle and the war! Even with all of his strategies and backup strategies, he could have just been happy to give God the glory for that...But that was not where his praise ended. David was not just a warrior, he was a worshipper. In times that he needed the reinforcements of the hills the most, he worshiped God for the fact, that his help did not come from his strategies and reinforcements nestled in the horizon. His help came only from the Lord! When He looked to the hills, he saw only God. So the answer to his question, "Do I look to the hills for where I know there is help?" NO!

Psalm 121:2 "My help comes from the Lord of Host the maker of Heaven and Earth"

David realized that even though he was diligent and intentional to make sure he was a good steward of the gifts that God gave him in strategy, this is not where his help rests. There was a greater power that was stronger, more powerful, creative, and strategic than he! The Lord of Host-the Creator of both Heaven & earth! Here is why (Ps. 121:3-8):

1. He will not allow your foot to slip;

2. your Protector will not slumber. Indeed,

3. the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep.

4. The LORD protects you;

5. the LORD is a shelter right by your side.

6. The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night.

7. The LORD will protect you from all harm; he will protect your life.

8. The LORD will protect your coming and going both now and forever.

Now, Back to Me!

So, this is where life changed for me: I surrendered & God changed what I saw!

After years of working & trying to become worthy of someone coming to save me, I surrendered to God. Like Isaiah when he said, "In the year King Uzziah (my cousin) died, I saw the Lord!" I totally feel him on that. It took devastation & tragedy for my resilience to sprout, but this time was different. I looked back up to the Hill and saw something different. Where I there was the depression from seeing no help, I saw my true Savior!

I saw a Hill called Calvary, with cross that represented my sin and shame that I was never created to carry. I saw Jesus choosing to pay the ultimate price for my redemption. With love in His heart and me in his eyes, he climbed on the cross, took on sin, shame, lack, sickness, poverty, and rejection- and allowed himself to die! He conquered sin and hell and rose back up from the grave 3 days later...so that I could live--periodt!!!

(tilt your head to one side and insert finger snap & tongue pop here)

My "hill" that I was looking for was an affirming love, healing from past trauma, and recreation and acceptance! I searched for it through academic accomplishments, church leadership positions, friendships, and my ability to sustain toxic symbiotic relationships that I knew were not God's best for my life. I thought I was just loyal-- but...really, I was holding on to death and fighting in a war that God had already won.

My surrendered looked like this: I looked to heaven and simply said, "God, I can't anymore, I am tired, Help Me!" Then I walked away. God sent people to me that I didn't look for. I heard God in nature, I heard God in places that did not take any effort of my own. God took away my appetite for everything else---but Him! He did this...not me. I can not claim any accolades. I also couldn't fight it, He made me uncomfortable and miserable in everything else. He broke me free from my church ministry addiction. He broke me free from needing any other relationship but His. Don't get me wrong, He is not done with me. I am still undone. I have a long way to go on my path to healing. But this time, I know I am already healed. This is my path and my journey with MY Father, who is God. He has broken the legacy of trauma off of my life. My parents are now in their perfected bodies, and they are healed. I know that they are now in that "great cloud of witnesses" that is discussed in the book of Hebrews. The are now cheering me on, as I fight my battle from a position of victory THROUGH Jesus, who is my Way, Truth & Life! You see, true surrender is freedom! I learned to love me-for me. I am learning to have patience with me as I walk on my healing journey. This relationship that I have with The Lord and Creator of Heaven & earth is real and getting deeper everyday. I am now in a place to ask God for the big things. God is opening my eyes and heart to surrender to the unimaginable! I love that I get to continue spiritual legacy from a place of complete healing through Jesus, my friend! I have surrendered my life to Him. I can no longer hold on to it!

The Lord- the Creator of Heaven & Earth has already won every battle! His body was broken and bruised (ON PURPOSE) for me! So, He said...take eat--consume and enjoy this life! He said...you are already healed, restored, and victorious--because of what I endured for you. He said, when you look to the "hills" know this- "The I AM" has already won! Your Creator of Heaven and earth is your help. Look to Jesus. Surrender to the only one who has already won every battle.

Whatever your "hill" is, it will not come from the government, academics, accolades, ministries, food, relationships, or any other strategies. Those attempts are empty and futile.

Victory will only come through your Savior (The Lord of Host)! He is the Way, Trust & Life! His breadth is powerful enough to move mountains or create mountains. He has authority to do whatever necessary for His Glory! No matter what tragedy or injustice you are walking through--- Look beyond the "hills" to the Lord, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, I promise, you will no be disappointed. He is Justice, therefore, if He reigns, Justice will reign!

Beloved, YOU are seen, heard, and loved---Forever!

Worship Song: https://youtu.be/v-OVW0RPXtE?si=7b4ZJysLxzUCAhnc

"All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrenderAll!"