His Gift Is WAITING...

I am not writing this based on anything that I have read or heard. I'm living this right now. I am a 43 year old unmarried woman in the South. This means I am in the unreached (with the Truth) people groups of world of Christianity. So, when it comes to singleness, I must forage for my own truth. I feel like a warrior who lives in the wild constantly fighting the lies of every social media relationship "guru," trends of this wicked and unhealthy world, and the opinions of people who mean well--but dont know better. So, being a Yankee bred- Southern woman--"Bless They Heart" is my mantra as I navigate this unhelpful information. I am literally living the book of Judges when it said "...They did that which was right in their own eyes...(Judges 21:25)." Unfortunately, some of the advice that I have followed has led me to make some devastating choices--I take full responsibility (I ignored the Holy Spirit). Just to be clear- the advice came from well meaning- "godly" people. I am not here to judge anyone's spirituality based on their trash advice, but from the data that I have gathered, when it comes to dating--there is a HUGE lack in Holy and God-centered information. This is an area that the world's humanistic philosophies and bad habits have infiltrated. The world's way only leads to learning from mistakes- which is the teacher of fools! There is a more free way to navigate singleness -or anything else that you are wanting for that is outside of your strength and abilities...

HERE IS MY STORY:

I always thought that as a Christian, I was supposed to meet a man that I was attracted to- who loves Jesus like me and had similar interests. I thought that I was looking for someone that I shared similar interests in and had a vibe with- one who was going towards Jesus too--like in a triangular way (ya know two people going towards Jesus that bump into each other...)

So, that is what I attempted---TRASH!

You see, what I learned in this season is that a vibe should never be trusted because we are continuing to evolve, change and heal. God's will is the only thing that matters.

During a hiatus from one of my failed "interludes," God started working on my heart. He showed me how much my life was wrapped around me. He showed me that I had 1 foot in the world and 1 foot with Him. I was straddling the line. He also showed me that this was not something that He accepted. God showed me that he Holy and therefore had boundaries. I needed to choose His way or my way! The Gospel changed my mind and turned it towards Him. So, He became all that I want. God is not my boyfriend or husband- He became my LORD & KING! He then sent me on a journey of faith, fasting, consecration and service--the beautiful unknown. I had no idea the depth of this journey. God changed everything, but there was one area of my life that the devil still had a foothold and was using it to bully my emotions. During the "Generations Conference" that I went to on May 14- 15th, I sat and listened to mighty women of God like CeCe Winans, Jackie Hill Perry, Dawn-Chere' Wilkerson & Nicole C. Mullins speak from their hearts. The message I heard was them PLEADING with us to NOT entertain the idea of dating a man who was not 100% sold out to Jesus. They made it clear that him just being ok with my standards was not enough. He needed to be a spiritual leader from the start. God spoke to my heart. I surrendered to this for my life. I still had something nagging in my spirit that still wasn't surrendered. I started journaling- God shined His light on the cancer in my spirit- WANTING. David declared in Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my Shepherd- I SHALL NOT want!" It was this moment that I walked to the altar with tears (of joy) in my eyes and a weight off of my heart, and I laid "WANTING" at the altar. I thought it was just marriage--but it spread to EVERYTHING! I thought that was the end of the story. I was giving Jesus the deep rooted idolatrous grove that I was born with- I WILL NO LONGER WANT TO BE A WIFE! I called my bestie and told her about it, she had questions that I could not answer--All I knew was I gave "wanting" and God took it away like a cancer! The Gospel changed my mind so that I laid it ALL at the altar and submitted to HIS plan overwhelmed with His love for me! The story does not end there.

The next day I sat at the end seat right next to the door that everyone had to go through to get on stage. As Jackie Hill Perry was speaking (15 minutes over), Charity Gayle and her husband breezed right by me. As Jackie was warning us against following the paths of the world, God turned my attention to see behind the scenes. I watched as Charity Gayle's husband walked up behind her, placed his hands on her head and prayed over her, they he placed his hands on her shoulders (her hands over his) and cheek to cheek, they prayed over each other before leading us in worship. Immediately, God clearly spoke to me. He said, "This is what you are WAITING for!" He then led me to write in my journal a letter from Him to me- it said, "You gave me your WANTING- I gave you MY WAITING!" Immediately, that thing that the devil used to bully me and make me doubt God's provision, plan, timing and even opinion of me was destroyed. Ironically, Charity Gayle was singing "I Speak Jesus...so I spoke "JESUS" over that area in worship.

Today, I can honestly say that I am waiting. I am waiting for what's next. God has healed me and given me a new level of freedom and joy. I know that God's plan for me is best. I get to pursue God's heart with reckless abandon knowing that whatever He tells me to do I will do. Wherever He tells me to go, I will go. Whomever He connects me to, I will steward that relationship well! This is what I know, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly MORE than ALL that I could ask of think---according to the POWER that is at work within ME...

To Be Continued...