Are We There Yet?

One great love of mine is a good road trip! The preparation, comfy clothing, early rising, empty roads, coffee stops, rest stop picnics, audible books, blaring music, loud laughter, deep conversations, and the spectacular sights is the recipe for a great travel vibe. I don't know which is better, the actual drive or getting to the destination! My love for road trips was probably birthed while being a child of an evangelist. We are not talking about this new celebrity stuff we see today: first class plane tickets, green rooms, fancy restaurants, clear ear mics, spot lights and large screens on black smoky stages...Nah! We are talking about six people crammed in a 1978 Chevy Capri, 3 of us kids closely seated in the back seat, and my baby sister sandwiched in the front, between my parents and a Rand McNally map in my dad's lap. There was no air conditioning or airbags. We were rogue a family of rogue evangelists. Many times we would be practicing the song we were going to sing while we were making our way to our destination. After hours of traveling, we would get to the church, and stay with whichever family volunteered to host us during the tenure of our stay. I met many people & ate lots of good food... Those were some beautiful moments that I allowed me to breathe during my traumatic childhood.

Being chubby always got me a reserved window seat on our long road trips. The skinniest person (my brother) was always given the job of being squished in the middle section of the back seat!

One thing that I fell in love with was the sight of green pastures. I used to love looking out and watching green fields whip past my window as my parents drove our big car down the roads. I think my favorite city was somewhere out West (Wyoming or South Dakota) It is the place that I first saw (and ate) buffalo. I also saw snow capped mountains. I was in awe! I would imagine just running freely through each field. For me, there is nothing more beautiful than farmland...It was the greenery and peace that I fell in love with. I think that God gave me this scenery to calm my soul during the traumatic years of my life.

The enemy of a perfect road trip vibe is impatience! There is nothing that will destroy a perfect road trip moment like the question, "Are we there yet?" This question immediately reminds everyone their individual situation regarding the trip. Suddenly, everyone snaps out of the wonder of the trip to remember the hours left, boredom, tiredness, bathroom needs, stiffness and temperature of the wind blowing in the window. Rest is disrupted because the impatience of one person caused every to remember their explicit circumstances- changing the dope vibe! Impatience robs us of the beauty of the trip. The rest and freedom is replaced with anxiety, tiredness and frustration of the current situation.

As I think about my life, I am reminded of my Journey through trauma to healing. It has been quite the journey. Through it all I have learned so many things about myself, and gained so much strength. At the end of it all, I realized that God taking me on a journey of freedom the whole time. I went from a cult whose high school mascot was a man holding a Bible in one hand and a fist in the other. While other schools' mascots were wolves, lions, eagles, or bears- Our school was "The Fighting Fundamentalists!" Our cult leaders would brag about being the "West Point of Fundamentalism." Unbridled rigidity was a virtue of which he was proud! There was no way I could not have tolerated transitioning from extreme rigidity to the freedom that I am experiencing today in one stride. God in his mercy ordained for me to go through a process--a journey, So, God put me in the passenger seat and took me on a spiritual road trip.

Every church was a little less controlling than the last. I was scared to make the official call telling the leader that God was moving me somewhere else. However, God would empower me, and I would do it anyway. I would brace myself for the gaslighting, spiritual abuse, fear tactics and manipulation! I had to trust the voice of God. I knew that at each place I left meant a loss of relationships, closed doors and burned bridges. There were alot of tears. I had to learn how to comfort myself in the Lord. Looking back, I can see the beauty of God through it all. Those were moments where God made me unbelievably strong.

God's way has always been the best way for me. God's was has always been uphill, too! Faith was key. On this journey with God, he was able to take me from not being to think for myself due to being under spiritual dictators, to completely surrendering and trusting in God as my source. I am learning to be confident in what I am hearing from God. The greatest realization that I encountered was the fact that God speaks directly to me!

Today, I am in a good place. God has showed me a new level of freedom found only in Christ. He has opened the eyes of my heart to see his beauty. I can breathe again. I am continue to go through the process of forgiveness as I reminded of situation of abuse. God is setting me free from all bitterness and malice in my heart. I meet new people and see their beauty. My heart dances again. I am open to giving / receiving love and affection. I am making lasting relationships, and revelling in their new perspectives.

Best of all, my journey is still going...

Am I there yet? Absolutely not! I also have so much gratitude for every aspect of my journey. I am learning how to be present and behold the beauty of my journey!

The goal was never about the destination, but the beauty of the journey.

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Jeremiah 29:11 ("YES!" I know the context of ch. 28)

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Philippians 1:6 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

Worship Song: https://youtu.be/C7o9aOOjOfI